It’s sweet



It’s sweet. Finally, reality now tastes as sweet as—if not more than—fantasy. Nowadays, I sleep for the sole reason of resting and not as an escape from what is real.

As I hold the hand of the woman I cherish with all my heart, I feel invincible, as if the world is a small hurdle I merely have to hop through. My heart sits on my chest, as calm as it can be. But as soon as I am in the presence of my beloved, it begins to beat hurriedly no matter how calm I think I may be. Sometimes, we’d go spend the night beside the sea, tummies full due to the snacks we had eaten. Wind blows through our hair and as I sit with her beside me, staring into the thin line between the sea and sky, I find the future less scary. For the first time in years, I am brave enough to rush through the days with no anxiousness for the upcoming endeavors. Everything seems to have landed in place, every plan sorted out, every wish carried through.

Every time we sit on the concrete beside the sea, you ask me what kind of thoughts I am having whenever I lose words from my mouth and just stare at the distance. There would be times when I’d turn my head with eyes brimming with tears. Sometimes, you notice this and other times, the darkness hides it successfully. The first time you saw the tears, they were sad and full of fear. Fear of losing you. Nevertheless, during the other times when the tears were not evident enough, they were due to an overwhelming sense of happiness and contentment. It was suddenly clear to me how tears of happiness could come at moments of silence and just sheer contentment while sitting next to someone you love. With a heart that beats oh so furiously and the warmth of your presence near me, I finally long for the future and what it holds in its clasped hands. I aspire for everything with you and for you. With you, my heart is always smiling. Until now, I still cannot believe how lucky I am to feel this way, to feel this happy, to feel this content. Until now, it’s still surprising how sweet reality could be just because of one person; because of you.

With a genuine smile and a sigh of relief, I can say with utmost sincerity that I have found my partner in life, my little ball of sunshine, and my cool rain during a hot day. I am no longer living in a countdown. Instead, I find myself lingering over the present and the wonders of today. So thank you, love. Thank you.



couple love people woman heart flower roses pink lgbt lesbian bisexual happy

You make me happy.

I will never be able to deny the fact that I am deeply in love with you. I am not worthy of a final chance and I know that you have changed a lot since the first time we met. I punched holes into you that I began expanding and further damaged as time passed by. Loving me only became possible because of the faith you had in me. Still, I crushed every ounce of hope you once held on to. I treated you like I never loved you and now there is nothing I can do to remove those memories and scars.

I want you to be happy.

I know there is not much left in you anymore and I am not asking anything from you. All I yearn for is your happiness, your true happiness. You gave me so much love and now I must do what I should have before. I am truly in love with you and I do not want to hear your sobs once again. There may still be pain residing in your heart and all I want to do is remove those completely.

Aided by the newfound wisdom I have earned, I wish to successfully help you recover. With my love, I hope to be able to show you that you still deserve every positive thing there is in this Earth. You are my world. I do not wish to be yours, do not worry. I am merely someone who wants to love you right. There are so many things I still want to say but for now, I just want to cause even the smallest smile to grow on your lips. Continue smiling, my princess. I love you.

Messy Drabble #1

In the flesh, where the least

Can only be the ones which

Could be uncovered, oh, defeat,

Stares a mirror image,

Smiling lopsided, imitating

The persona outside the

Chambers kept inside the confines

Kept in the heart, soldered;

Normal, it seems but

Alas, the facade will never

Never, be conceived

Truly nor fully, oh the pain,

Forever scratching

Against the residue produced

By even the smallest

Of the smallest shoves

And pushes anew


So this is my first serious blog post. Like I said in my previous post, I did forget about this blog. It’s just that my memory is something close to rubbish. Haha. I’m like an old woman when it comes to memory, sometimes I’m even worse. Don’t get me wrong, though, I’m not old. I am young, youthful. Well then… I’ll start



“Disgusting” “That’s not normal” “God didn’t even make man and man nor woman and woman, right? He made man & woman”

These words, phrases and sentences are a sample of what I hear every single day of my life. I was raised by two very religious Catholics, thus, they have tried to keep me away from things concerning homosexuality and the likes of it. I have no idea on why my mom seems to hate such topics, my dad, however, is much more open to this topic compared to my mom. This open-minded state of his, however, isn’t really that open-minded as you think. He’ll just sit there, shutting his mouth from saying anything, listening to whatever the latter has to say. In contrast to that, my mom would blabber about how it isn’t natural and how it is weird.

I, a closeted not-so-straight individual, have once succumbed to the things, the advices, my parents would give to me. I have once give in and started hating on the LGBTQ community. Being a growing child, I believed that it was all wrong, all the work of wrongness. I didn’t even accept any form of skinship, not hugs, not kisses, not holding of hands, not even being physically close. None of the casual skinships friends usually do was tolerable for me. I was a child filled with hate for the certain thing.

Then, there came a time when I felt suffocated with all the love I was receiving that I started yearning for contact with others excluding my mom and dad.I started to loosen up and I began to accept small skinships, i.e, sitting with a friend with a small distance between us. I, however, still wasn’t open to the topic of homosexuality. What was worse, one of my close friends was actually in the same boat as I was, we both disliked such things.

During summer vacation before 7th grade, the big turn of events suddenly happened. I was too absorbed with watching anime that, being the curious child I was, I started searching all the different kinds of genres including Yuri(if you don’t know what this is, I advise you to google it). When I found the genre, I was still bitter when it came to the topic but being a reader, I actually decided to read the ones with good story lines. It wasn’t until I finished more than 10 Yuri manga, which I finished in less than an hour, that I started to yearn for more. That was the time when I was slowly getting fascinated by the love the characters shared, without me realizing it. After reading almost all of the Yuri/Shoujo-Ai manga at Mangahere, I started to become more open and accepting. I grew to be more mature and had gained more knowledge. I realized how rude and hateful I was during my I-hate-homosexuality phase. It was, indeed, just a phase.

I began to accept the LGBTQ community and I have learned to love them secretively, hoping my mom and dad wouldn’t discover the things I have been doing. I was contented and it was the time when I felt the world was full of love until…

…I came across a website which contained hateful remarks. I read everything and as I read, my eyes were tearing up. I wasn’t part of the LGBTQ community but I felt bad and slightly agitated because of the comment. I mean, why must you hate so much? Weren’t you taught to love your neighbors?

Months passed and I’ve reached 8th grade. This time, I knew there was something inside me that was waiting to be unleashed, waiting to be accepted by no other one but me. I welcomed this ‘thing’ inside me with warm greetings and, with the help of my friends, I was able to let it out. It was our third or fourth month of school, we were still getting to know each other better but we already felt comfortable, like the four of us were connected on purpose. For some reason I forgot, we started to coin a term to refer to those people whom you like but not that big, something less than a crush. We started telling each other who we liked(not in a serious way). When one of my lady friends said she was growing to like this certain girl, a part of me was clapping like a dork. I felt glad, relieved, that at least one of my friends swings that way. Soon, when all my friends were done, I realized that everyone had someone that they had interest on from the same gender. It was finally my turn and I gathered up all my courage to tell them that I was starting to get interested in this one classmate of ours, a girl. All of them gasped and they were all so surprised. I confronted them and they told me they weren’t expecting me to like a classmate, although they had their suspicions that I had eyes for girls.I asked them why they thought like that and the answer I received was,

“You just seem like it, like, you scream bi.”

After this event, I started becoming more open about me liking a couple of people from the same gender. I finally felt freedom of expression. I was contented for the first time. However, this wasn’t the problem I had, to be honest. The problem with me is that I despise love.


Signed: WrittenWithBlue ~