Right now, everything burns. From each beat of my heart to the constant pain in my eyes. I have loved, but now I have lost. For the two years that have passed, I never was able to give what you deserved. I simply loved, I simply felt, but I never showed. I still have your chathead on my screen, and I steal a glance every now and then; the only connection that reassures me that you’re still here is the small green dot beside your picture. I loved you with all of my heart but I never was able to surround you with cottony sheets with a sprinkle of fresh mint. Oh, I suddenly remember your liking to peppermint. I called it weird but I was actually amused at how cute you were when you defended your ice-cold drink. That cafe where we shared constant ice-cold drinks will always be special, because it seemed to be your favorite. It was also the same cafe where you actually cried in front of other people because you wanted to watch the second part of one of your favorite superhero films. Oh, how bright your smile shined that night we went out of the cinema after watching.
You were everything to me and I still was not able to make you feel like you were loved, to make you feel that you were my whole world, my whole wide universe: an array of stars I could forever count among the stars. Unbeknownst to me, you were actually the sky full of stars for me. I loved you with utmost sincerity but I failed to touch each and every dark spot that needed to be lit. I always told you, night skies were beautiful especially when I’m with you. It was dumb of me, though, not to fully embrace the darkness that resided within the bright spots. And speaking of stars, whenever I look up and see Orion in the sky, I will forever think of you, of us, the moments we spent basking ourselves in the beauty hidden by the daylight. It will forever be our constellation for us, my little reminder of our stargazing nights.
I love you, and I always will. It is such a shame that I have not been able to make you feel the love that I could give. It will always haunt me how I never was able to make you feel beautiful despite the fact that you are my most favorite face to look at, you have the most perfect eyes I love to stare at, and that you as a whole are a masterpiece I will always treasure.
Thank you for trying to stay with me despite my every fault and lacking. You stood by me in hopes that I could someday be better like I promised but I always failed you. It’s not your fault for wanting to leave. But now as I sit with tears constantly falling and an aching chest I could not ignore, I know that I could never love another and that my love for you will always be present, no matter how much I try to ignore.