love

Nerra

couple love people woman heart flower roses pink lgbt lesbian bisexual happy

You make me happy.

I will never be able to deny the fact that I am deeply in love with you. I am not worthy of a final chance and I know that you have changed a lot since the first time we met. I punched holes into you that I began expanding and further damaged as time passed by. Loving me only became possible because of the faith you had in me. Still, I crushed every ounce of hope you once held on to. I treated you like I never loved you and now there is nothing I can do to remove those memories and scars.

I want you to be happy.

I know there is not much left in you anymore and I am not asking anything from you. All I yearn for is your happiness, your true happiness. You gave me so much love and now I must do what I should have before. I am truly in love with you and I do not want to hear your sobs once again. There may still be pain residing in your heart and all I want to do is remove those completely.

Aided by the newfound wisdom I have earned, I wish to successfully help you recover. With my love, I hope to be able to show you that you still deserve every positive thing there is in this Earth. You are my world. I do not wish to be yours, do not worry. I am merely someone who wants to love you right. There are so many things I still want to say but for now, I just want to cause even the smallest smile to grow on your lips. Continue smiling, my princess. I love you.

Advertisements

A Second-person Narrative on Regrets

nature horizon plant sky cloud sunset people girl thinking alone sad silhouette

Do you ever just stop and lie down for several minutes? With eyes shut so tightly, images start to flash in front of your very eyes. Memories. Each and every one, so precious that it makes your heart flutter and sink. Suddenly, you are reminded of the happiness you have once been able to give and have once given. You continue reminiscing, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips. Then, among the lively images, you spot a whole line of darker hues. “What are they?”, you wonder. In an instant, you are answered. You realize.

Regrets.

In an disorganized manner, they flush to you. Every wrong decision, every wrong action. You want to stop. You don’t want to remember anymore. However, you pause. You let it continue. You begin to understand that looking back is one of the ways to redeem yourself. You start to listen to every whisper of pain, to every tone change, to every deep tone in the music.

“I never should have done that.”

“She did not deserve that.”

“I became the kind of person I once despised.”

“I talked bad about these kinds of people before, unknowingly bashing the future me.”

It all comes back. The pain you’ve done and the emotional trauma it all has caused. You wish to start again, to correct your wrongs. But after seeing your even your friends taking the right side, after seeing the love of your life broken and shattered, you fall into a deep silence. It’s done. You’ve already done the damage. There’s no going back. There will be no starting overs. Only continuations and second chances.

You are instantly delighted by the idea, a second chance. Almost immediately, you forget your purpose. You stand in the light of hope, absent-mindedly letting go of your main goal. Redemption is now a mere thought that once passed your mind and that once resided for quite some time. You begin to forget as you enjoy the gleaming light. However, you stayed in the light for so long that the light dims once again. Your second chance is now moving away from you, inch by inch. The light that was once shone upon you begins to flicker. You panic. During that same moment, you begin to learn another lesson: you never learned anything at all, even from the recollection of events.

The light stops.

It’s over. You begin to understand a bit of everything but it seems it’s too late. With clenched fists, you fight. You want this so much and you want to succeed. You do all you could just to have a light shining upon yourself once again. No matter how small the light may be, you grin at the sign of hope. It is expected that this time, it is all you. At times, you gain thoughts about giving up. Nevertheless, you decide that it’s worth all the pain, especially since you’ve caused so much. However, now you are more knowledgeable. You should not mind the pain. You realize once again. This was never about you. All there is to pass through should not be for yourself.

All these is for her. 

You nod at the thought, agreeing. And as you take a step on the ladder bit by bit, you decide. Bring happiness to the love I lost without having self-centered thoughts. It all may be too late but there is no other path in this life that you want to take.

Kites: An Afterthought

A variant of colors moving at different speeds, all across the newly cut grass. It was this scenery which caused flutters in my stomach and chest. Another chest pain, I thought. However, this was far from those pain-inducing stirrings.

I stared at the sky with hands clasped rather gently at the phone which I just finished using; if it were not for your need to eat, it would have still been pressed firmly against my ear. Among the beautiful blues and whites, an additional color rose up to kiss the seemingly unreachable sky. A kite. Its yellow adorned the already charming hues. I felt a pull at the corner of my lips as a thought made its way into my train of thought.

You.

Us.

The scene in front of me induced feelings rather unrelated to it. It was in this instant that I realized how changed my life has been. All because of you. I was a mere shade of blues and whites, a combination which I paid no heed but still appreciated much. Initially, I had thought of this two-colored palette as something already satisfying. Something I had been much contented with before you showed  me how you could blend other colors with my current ones. Like the strange yellow that interrupted the stable colors of the sky, your colors suddenly entered my life and gave its aesthetic a whole new meaning.

It was this moment, this kite, that made me realize how grateful I am for the intrusion of  a thousand colors. The vibrant and darker hues made my dull skies livelier, much lovelier. You give me so much that words alone cannot explain. You gave me more than what I asked for and I could never be any happier than when I am reminded of the gift that is you.

You made my sky exquisite but you should know that you are far more stunning.

Love?

I see a lot who mourn in agony and depression because of this certain feeling oh-so-intoxicating. I hated this said sensation before but ironically, I had fallen into the depths of its evil, even as I had been an anti-love enthusiast back in the past years of my high school days. It had been confusing and yet beneficial at the same time, making it all the more reason to be considered as something along the lines of a headache and a heart burn. To say that I have never come upon to grow fond of this feeling would be a lie, in all honesty. I don’t even know why I ended up getting struck by the arrow inflicted upon my unaware heart at the wrong time. It, perhaps, might be my fault. Mea culpa. How? Well, I fall far too fast. Possibly as fast as the speed of sound(it’s still slower than light, you see). However, when this happens, I don’t usually get too stuck in too deep. it usually only lasts for a few weeks or so but at the moment, I have violated my own rules that I have made as restrictions for myself and worst of all, it’s getting stronger as time passes by.

Going back to the topic at hand, love is certainly something beautiful, something everyone must experience but get this. But, when someone’s says he or she is in love, it’s just mere infatuation. Love doesn’t feel like that, it’s not about butterflies and rainbows, flowers blooming at the end of the road. No. Love is something more simple, something harder to attain. A level of pure loyalty and devotion; like how a religious Christian values God in his or her life or how an agnostic feels settled in his or her chosen beliefs. Love is when you are past the infatuation stage and those tingly feelings are gone. However, the passion for the other is still there despite the teenagerly feelings being gone. I have kept these in mind for as long as I can remember and I have been going through life with this at heart and mind. So how can we just state the three words to someone who is not even at that level in our heart? How can we just throw those words that used to mean something really big? How can the word ‘like’, now mean more than love, was it not supposed to be the other way around? It’s saddening, to be honest, how love is simply being stuck into our mindset as if it is something we can say to each and everyone. I myself do the same thing but I do little revisions. I use the full word when I truly mean it and use a combination of letters that sound like love when it is not coming from my heart. In my whole life, I have used the word whilst talking to someone just once, just to one person. This, however, does not get me away from the fact that I say it to almost everyone as well. Let’s just take a moment and think before letting the word escape from our mouths. Is it our heart that is truly speaking or is it just the playful mouth?