Recently, I have had conversations regarding religion and the like. Yesterday, I had come to talk with a fellow agnostic, two, in fact. The other day, I came across someone who identifies to have no religion but still keeps her faith with God. Also, I have a friend I am rather close with who is a devoted follower and is determined to make unbelievers and those doubting to come back to the arms of the Lord. I actually have diversity of friends with different religions. Truth be told, my mom hates it that I mingle with those who are not Catholic, much more be close with them. What she does not know is that it has been long since I have left my Catholic faith in attempt to find a better classification for what I believe. From my first to third year of high school, I have identified as a Christian, an atheist, and an agnostic respectively. At the moment, I am in my senior year and I have yet to classify myself once again. It might seem foolish but I am a person who is easily confused. Furthermore, my mood swings make it much more worse. I have been trying to regain the faith I have lost ever since I was in my junior year but I seem to fail every time. Alas, I have come to the decision to just go with the flow and see where it takes me. I continue life doing good as much as I can(and yes, bad deeds are inevitable). However, despite my lack of faith, I still go on by the teachings buried into my head when I was a child although I get doubts whether we really do believe in the right thing or not. But oh well, we won’t be able to do much in the end anyway.
Religion separates each and every one of us, unfortunately. It was the reason why I ended up trying to break free from the constraints religion tied down upon me ever since I had been born to this world so mad. I had always wanted to know what it would be like without religion, when faith alone would occupy the spaces in our hearts. Faith is something strong and I believe that with it, we can break through boundaries and discover something that had been hidden by the dark cloaks of religion that hindered us from witnessing something possible more peaceful and loving. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing with Christians and such, I am against religion itself. Your beliefs won’t be a hindrance to our possible relationship, be it romantic or friendly. I never judge based on your beliefs and I know that there are a lot of people like such.
So until then, I shall continue searching for where I truly belong and what I truly believe.
Yesterday, I had a talk with my friend about death and what comes after it. I asked him about his opinion and he told me that he did not believe anything and simply said,
“Whatever happens, happens. We won’t have a say on whatever it will be at the end, anyways.”
I stood still, smiling and nodding for I agreed. Before he told me that line, I believed in reincarnation although I am not fond with eternity. It gives me an uncomfortable feeling in my gut that I can’t explain. After he had said what he did, it gave me a sense of comfort in a way because I felt like I do not need to ponder over the trivial matter that much and as usual, just go with the flow and see where it takes me.