Author: WrittenWithBlue

I choose to be called WrittenWithBlue, as it is my pseudonym, my given name here in the world of connected computers; My age, a number of no worth, will be hidden for privacy purposes. A teenager, still in search for my life's worth. Still looking for a reason.

22nd

It’s better now. We have grown into two different people with a few new qualities alongside some removed ones. It’s a different us, but it still feels the same.

My heart has gone through various ups and downs and yet when I’m with you, my chest always feels lighter and somewhat warmer. Being in our dorm without you for a few days had a lot of mixed emotions involved in it. For one, it made me feel your absence a lot more. There was no one asking for water in a cute little voice and there was no one who would suddenly curse while staring at the phone, playing our favorite mobile game. I missed your short whines and your occasional nagging. Most of all, I missed you. Nevertheless, the room felt so much like home; an incomplete home without you, that is. The moment I stepped into the door, a wave of familiarity hit me. It made me smile, remembering how we arranged our things before leaving for the short break. Waking up was not at all sad because I knew you would be arriving in a week, but there was still this constant yearning for your presence. However, the main thing I realized from your absence was that I still felt happy. It was a first. My heart, my soul. They both felt happy. You may have been physically absent for that period but you still were in my heart and nothing could change that. Moreover, I knew that I was in yours as well. That was enough to make me smile.

Just when I thought I could not be happier anymore, I get to experience all these because of you. I sleep at night, thanking the universe for all that has transpired during the day and looking forward to another beautiful day. It really pays to love someone right, not just for the person but for yourself as well. Because of you, I no longer merely exist but am now truly living. My heart has never smiled this much before. Here’s to another month more to our journey to happiness. I hope you keep holding my hand as we wander because I really can’t see myself letting go of yours forever.

Advertisements

It’s sweet

 

BKVW6UG0ID

It’s sweet. Finally, reality now tastes as sweet as—if not more than—fantasy. Nowadays, I sleep for the sole reason of resting and not as an escape from what is real.

As I hold the hand of the woman I cherish with all my heart, I feel invincible, as if the world is a small hurdle I merely have to hop through. My heart sits on my chest, as calm as it can be. But as soon as I am in the presence of my beloved, it begins to beat hurriedly no matter how calm I think I may be. Sometimes, we’d go spend the night beside the sea, tummies full due to the snacks we had eaten. Wind blows through our hair and as I sit with her beside me, staring into the thin line between the sea and sky, I find the future less scary. For the first time in years, I am brave enough to rush through the days with no anxiousness for the upcoming endeavors. Everything seems to have landed in place, every plan sorted out, every wish carried through.

Every time we sit on the concrete beside the sea, you ask me what kind of thoughts I am having whenever I lose words from my mouth and just stare at the distance. There would be times when I’d turn my head with eyes brimming with tears. Sometimes, you notice this and other times, the darkness hides it successfully. The first time you saw the tears, they were sad and full of fear. Fear of losing you. Nevertheless, during the other times when the tears were not evident enough, they were due to an overwhelming sense of happiness and contentment. It was suddenly clear to me how tears of happiness could come at moments of silence and just sheer contentment while sitting next to someone you love. With a heart that beats oh so furiously and the warmth of your presence near me, I finally long for the future and what it holds in its clasped hands. I aspire for everything with you and for you. With you, my heart is always smiling. Until now, I still cannot believe how lucky I am to feel this way, to feel this happy, to feel this content. Until now, it’s still surprising how sweet reality could be just because of one person; because of you.

With a genuine smile and a sigh of relief, I can say with utmost sincerity that I have found my partner in life, my little ball of sunshine, and my cool rain during a hot day. I am no longer living in a countdown. Instead, I find myself lingering over the present and the wonders of today. So thank you, love. Thank you.

Nerra

couple love people woman heart flower roses pink lgbt lesbian bisexual happy

You make me happy.

I will never be able to deny the fact that I am deeply in love with you. I am not worthy of a final chance and I know that you have changed a lot since the first time we met. I punched holes into you that I began expanding and further damaged as time passed by. Loving me only became possible because of the faith you had in me. Still, I crushed every ounce of hope you once held on to. I treated you like I never loved you and now there is nothing I can do to remove those memories and scars.

I want you to be happy.

I know there is not much left in you anymore and I am not asking anything from you. All I yearn for is your happiness, your true happiness. You gave me so much love and now I must do what I should have before. I am truly in love with you and I do not want to hear your sobs once again. There may still be pain residing in your heart and all I want to do is remove those completely.

Aided by the newfound wisdom I have earned, I wish to successfully help you recover. With my love, I hope to be able to show you that you still deserve every positive thing there is in this Earth. You are my world. I do not wish to be yours, do not worry. I am merely someone who wants to love you right. There are so many things I still want to say but for now, I just want to cause even the smallest smile to grow on your lips. Continue smiling, my princess. I love you.

A Second-person Narrative on Regrets

nature horizon plant sky cloud sunset people girl thinking alone sad silhouette

Do you ever just stop and lie down for several minutes? With eyes shut so tightly, images start to flash in front of your very eyes. Memories. Each and every one, so precious that it makes your heart flutter and sink. Suddenly, you are reminded of the happiness you have once been able to give and have once given. You continue reminiscing, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips. Then, among the lively images, you spot a whole line of darker hues. “What are they?”, you wonder. In an instant, you are answered. You realize.

Regrets.

In an disorganized manner, they flush to you. Every wrong decision, every wrong action. You want to stop. You don’t want to remember anymore. However, you pause. You let it continue. You begin to understand that looking back is one of the ways to redeem yourself. You start to listen to every whisper of pain, to every tone change, to every deep tone in the music.

“I never should have done that.”

“She did not deserve that.”

“I became the kind of person I once despised.”

“I talked bad about these kinds of people before, unknowingly bashing the future me.”

It all comes back. The pain you’ve done and the emotional trauma it all has caused. You wish to start again, to correct your wrongs. But after seeing your even your friends taking the right side, after seeing the love of your life broken and shattered, you fall into a deep silence. It’s done. You’ve already done the damage. There’s no going back. There will be no starting overs. Only continuations and second chances.

You are instantly delighted by the idea, a second chance. Almost immediately, you forget your purpose. You stand in the light of hope, absent-mindedly letting go of your main goal. Redemption is now a mere thought that once passed your mind and that once resided for quite some time. You begin to forget as you enjoy the gleaming light. However, you stayed in the light for so long that the light dims once again. Your second chance is now moving away from you, inch by inch. The light that was once shone upon you begins to flicker. You panic. During that same moment, you begin to learn another lesson: you never learned anything at all, even from the recollection of events.

The light stops.

It’s over. You begin to understand a bit of everything but it seems it’s too late. With clenched fists, you fight. You want this so much and you want to succeed. You do all you could just to have a light shining upon yourself once again. No matter how small the light may be, you grin at the sign of hope. It is expected that this time, it is all you. At times, you gain thoughts about giving up. Nevertheless, you decide that it’s worth all the pain, especially since you’ve caused so much. However, now you are more knowledgeable. You should not mind the pain. You realize once again. This was never about you. All there is to pass through should not be for yourself.

All these is for her. 

You nod at the thought, agreeing. And as you take a step on the ladder bit by bit, you decide. Bring happiness to the love I lost without having self-centered thoughts. It all may be too late but there is no other path in this life that you want to take.

Kites: An Afterthought

A variant of colors moving at different speeds, all across the newly cut grass. It was this scenery which caused flutters in my stomach and chest. Another chest pain, I thought. However, this was far from those pain-inducing stirrings.

I stared at the sky with hands clasped rather gently at the phone which I just finished using; if it were not for your need to eat, it would have still been pressed firmly against my ear. Among the beautiful blues and whites, an additional color rose up to kiss the seemingly unreachable sky. A kite. Its yellow adorned the already charming hues. I felt a pull at the corner of my lips as a thought made its way into my train of thought.

You.

Us.

The scene in front of me induced feelings rather unrelated to it. It was in this instant that I realized how changed my life has been. All because of you. I was a mere shade of blues and whites, a combination which I paid no heed but still appreciated much. Initially, I had thought of this two-colored palette as something already satisfying. Something I had been much contented with before you showed  me how you could blend other colors with my current ones. Like the strange yellow that interrupted the stable colors of the sky, your colors suddenly entered my life and gave its aesthetic a whole new meaning.

It was this moment, this kite, that made me realize how grateful I am for the intrusion of  a thousand colors. The vibrant and darker hues made my dull skies livelier, much lovelier. You give me so much that words alone cannot explain. You gave me more than what I asked for and I could never be any happier than when I am reminded of the gift that is you.

You made my sky exquisite but you should know that you are far more stunning.