Month: September 2017

Nerra

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You make me happy.

I will never be able to deny the fact that I am deeply in love with you. I am not worthy of a final chance and I know that you have changed a lot since the first time we met. I punched holes into you that I began expanding and further damaged as time passed by. Loving me only became possible because of the faith you had in me. Still, I crushed every ounce of hope you once held on to. I treated you like I never loved you and now there is nothing I can do to remove those memories and scars.

I want you to be happy.

I know there is not much left in you anymore and I am not asking anything from you. All I yearn for is your happiness, your true happiness. You gave me so much love and now I must do what I should have before. I am truly in love with you and I do not want to hear your sobs once again. There may still be pain residing in your heart and all I want to do is remove those completely.

Aided by the newfound wisdom I have earned, I wish to successfully help you recover. With my love, I hope to be able to show you that you still deserve every positive thing there is in this Earth. You are my world. I do not wish to be yours, do not worry. I am merely someone who wants to love you right. There are so many things I still want to say but for now, I just want to cause even the smallest smile to grow on your lips. Continue smiling, my princess. I love you.

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A Second-person Narrative on Regrets

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Do you ever just stop and lie down for several minutes? With eyes shut so tightly, images start to flash in front of your very eyes. Memories. Each and every one, so precious that it makes your heart flutter and sink. Suddenly, you are reminded of the happiness you have once been able to give and have once given. You continue reminiscing, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips. Then, among the lively images, you spot a whole line of darker hues. “What are they?”, you wonder. In an instant, you are answered. You realize.

Regrets.

In an disorganized manner, they flush to you. Every wrong decision, every wrong action. You want to stop. You don’t want to remember anymore. However, you pause. You let it continue. You begin to understand that looking back is one of the ways to redeem yourself. You start to listen to every whisper of pain, to every tone change, to every deep tone in the music.

“I never should have done that.”

“She did not deserve that.”

“I became the kind of person I once despised.”

“I talked bad about these kinds of people before, unknowingly bashing the future me.”

It all comes back. The pain you’ve done and the emotional trauma it all has caused. You wish to start again, to correct your wrongs. But after seeing your even your friends taking the right side, after seeing the love of your life broken and shattered, you fall into a deep silence. It’s done. You’ve already done the damage. There’s no going back. There will be no starting overs. Only continuations and second chances.

You are instantly delighted by the idea, a second chance. Almost immediately, you forget your purpose. You stand in the light of hope, absent-mindedly letting go of your main goal. Redemption is now a mere thought that once passed your mind and that once resided for quite some time. You begin to forget as you enjoy the gleaming light. However, you stayed in the light for so long that the light dims once again. Your second chance is now moving away from you, inch by inch. The light that was once shone upon you begins to flicker. You panic. During that same moment, you begin to learn another lesson: you never learned anything at all, even from the recollection of events.

The light stops.

It’s over. You begin to understand a bit of everything but it seems it’s too late. With clenched fists, you fight. You want this so much and you want to succeed. You do all you could just to have a light shining upon yourself once again. No matter how small the light may be, you grin at the sign of hope. It is expected that this time, it is all you. At times, you gain thoughts about giving up. Nevertheless, you decide that it’s worth all the pain, especially since you’ve caused so much. However, now you are more knowledgeable. You should not mind the pain. You realize once again. This was never about you. All there is to pass through should not be for yourself.

All these is for her. 

You nod at the thought, agreeing. And as you take a step on the ladder bit by bit, you decide. Bring happiness to the love I lost without having self-centered thoughts. It all may be too late but there is no other path in this life that you want to take.