Month: July 2014


Recently, I have had conversations regarding religion and the like. Yesterday, I had come to talk with a fellow agnostic, two, in fact. The other day, I came across someone who identifies to have no religion but still keeps her faith with God. Also, I have a friend I am rather close with who is a devoted follower and is determined to make unbelievers and those doubting to come back to the arms of the Lord. I actually have diversity of friends with different religions. Truth be told, my mom hates it that I mingle with those who are not Catholic, much more be close with them. What she does not know is that it has been long since I have left my Catholic faith in attempt to find a better classification for what I believe. From my first to third year of high school, I have identified as a Christian, an atheist, and an agnostic respectively. At the moment, I am in my senior year and I have yet to classify myself once again. It might seem foolish but I am a person who is easily confused. Furthermore, my mood swings make it much more worse. I have been trying to regain the faith I have lost ever since I was in my junior year but I seem to fail every time. Alas, I have come to the decision to just go with the flow and see where it takes me. I continue life doing good as much as I can(and yes, bad deeds are inevitable). However, despite my lack of faith, I still go on by the teachings buried into my head when I was a child although I get doubts whether we really do believe in the right thing or not. But oh well, we won’t be able to do much in the end anyway.

Religion separates each and every one of us, unfortunately. It was the reason why I ended up trying to break free from the constraints religion tied down upon me ever since I had been born to this world so mad. I had always wanted to know what it would be like without religion, when faith alone would occupy the spaces in our hearts. Faith is something strong and I believe that with it, we can break through boundaries and discover something that had been hidden by the dark cloaks of religion that hindered us from witnessing something possible more peaceful and loving. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing with Christians and such, I am against religion itself. Your beliefs won’t be a hindrance to our possible relationship, be it romantic or friendly. I never judge based on your beliefs and I know that there are a lot of people like such.

So until then, I shall continue searching for where I truly belong and what I truly believe.



Yesterday, I had a talk with my friend about death and what comes after it. I asked him about his opinion and he told me that he did not believe anything and simply said,

“Whatever happens, happens. We won’t have a say on whatever it will be at the end, anyways.”

I stood still, smiling and nodding for I agreed. Before he told me that line, I believed in reincarnation although I am not fond with eternity. It gives me an uncomfortable feeling in my gut that I can’t explain. After he had said what he did, it gave me a sense of comfort in a way because I felt like I do not need to ponder over the trivial matter that much and as usual, just go with the flow and see where it takes me.



I see a lot who mourn in agony and depression because of this certain feeling oh-so-intoxicating. I hated this said sensation before but ironically, I had fallen into the depths of its evil, even as I had been an anti-love enthusiast back in the past years of my high school days. It had been confusing and yet beneficial at the same time, making it all the more reason to be considered as something along the lines of a headache and a heart burn. To say that I have never come upon to grow fond of this feeling would be a lie, in all honesty. I don’t even know why I ended up getting struck by the arrow inflicted upon my unaware heart at the wrong time. It, perhaps, might be my fault. Mea culpa. How? Well, I fall far too fast. Possibly as fast as the speed of sound(it’s still slower than light, you see). However, when this happens, I don’t usually get too stuck in too deep. it usually only lasts for a few weeks or so but at the moment, I have violated my own rules that I have made as restrictions for myself and worst of all, it’s getting stronger as time passes by.

Going back to the topic at hand, love is certainly something beautiful, something everyone must experience but get this. But, when someone’s says he or she is in love, it’s just mere infatuation. Love doesn’t feel like that, it’s not about butterflies and rainbows, flowers blooming at the end of the road. No. Love is something more simple, something harder to attain. A level of pure loyalty and devotion; like how a religious Christian values God in his or her life or how an agnostic feels settled in his or her chosen beliefs. Love is when you are past the infatuation stage and those tingly feelings are gone. However, the passion for the other is still there despite the teenagerly feelings being gone. I have kept these in mind for as long as I can remember and I have been going through life with this at heart and mind. So how can we just state the three words to someone who is not even at that level in our heart? How can we just throw those words that used to mean something really big? How can the word ‘like’, now mean more than love, was it not supposed to be the other way around? It’s saddening, to be honest, how love is simply being stuck into our mindset as if it is something we can say to each and everyone. I myself do the same thing but I do little revisions. I use the full word when I truly mean it and use a combination of letters that sound like love when it is not coming from my heart. In my whole life, I have used the word whilst talking to someone just once, just to one person. This, however, does not get me away from the fact that I say it to almost everyone as well. Let’s just take a moment and think before letting the word escape from our mouths. Is it our heart that is truly speaking or is it just the playful mouth?